Real questions from real ammys about the messy, complicated, occasionally wonderful experience of being a horse person.
Q: I’ve been at the same barn for four years. There’s a newer rider who’s clearly more talented than me and my trainer spends most of the lesson time on her now. I don’t think I’m being petty, but I also can’t tell if I am. How do I know when it’s time to find a new barn versus when I’m just being sensitive?
A: As I’m sure you know, this is a really common problem in lesson barns—especially lesson barns with competitive teams and lots of riders. From the barn’s perspective, talented riders who take instruction well and bring home ribbons make the program look good to prospective riders and boarders, which is how the barn makes money.
That being said, you’re not being petty. If you’re in a group lesson setting (which is what it seems like this is), you’re paying the same amount of money to be there as everyone else in the group, and it’s not fair for your trainer to spend more time with them than other riders (assuming this is a consistent occurrence and not a one-time thing where a situation requires more attention to address). The solution: invite your trainer to lunch and ask her to discuss your riding and your goals with you, and use that as an opportunity to bring up wanting more equal instruction time. Be prepared for her to suggest private lessons or another time slot as a solution.
If it continues to be a problem after you discuss, then it’s an incompatibility between her teaching style and your desires—and that might be the time to start shopping for a new program.
Q: I took almost fifteen years off from horses and just got back in the saddle last spring. I feel like I’m starting over, but my body and my ego remember what I used to be able to do. Everyone at my barn is kind, but I’m embarrassed in a way I didn’t expect. Is this just part of coming back, or does it get better?
A: Welcome back! We’re so happy you’ve re-entered horse world. As someone wise once said: “You have to be comfortable with being bad at something before you can be good at something.” This is just part of the process, and the sooner you embrace it, the sooner you can get out of your own way and start working on being the incredible rider you can be.
It can be hard to try new things as an adult but it’s so rewarding when you let the embarrassment roll off your back. Lean on your (amazing) community and enjoy the ride!
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